Putney Man Shares Story of the Loss of His Wife

Richard Cyster talks about bereavement for International Widows Day

Picture: Richard Cyster

June 15, 2026

A Putney-born grief counsellor who spent a decade helping others prepare for death has spoken publicly for the first time about the sudden loss of his own wife, saying that no amount of professional experience could have prepared him for becoming a widower.

Richard Cyster, 78, who now lives in Harrogate, is sharing his story as part of The Widowed Collective’s #WidowedAndForgotten campaign, launched ahead of International Widows Day on 23 June. The campaign aims to highlight the loneliness and isolation many widows and widowers face long after the initial shock of bereavement.

Richard met his wife Margaret in 2007 through a local book club. Both had been married before, and together they built a life filled with family, walking holidays, shared interests and the quiet contentment of a couple looking forward to growing old side by side. They married in 2010.

That future ended without warning on the morning of 7 February this year. Richard had just taken a cup of tea back to bed when he heard a loud crash downstairs. He found Margaret collapsed in the hallway. She had suffered a catastrophic subarachnoid haemorrhage — a major bleed on the brain.

She was rushed to hospital and later transferred to Leeds for specialist neurological care, but doctors quickly confirmed there was little they could do. Margaret died six days later, on 13 February, aged 76.

“There was absolutely no warning,” Richard said. “Margaret had been to ballet that week, gone to two bridge clubs, and was making plans as normal. One minute life is carrying on as usual and the next everything you thought was certain disappears.”

During those final days, Margaret’s children, grandchildren and wider family gathered at her bedside. Although she briefly regained consciousness, she never fully recovered. Richard remembers one fleeting moment of clarity when she opened her eyes and asked whether she had remembered to put petrol in the car. “Hearing her voice meant the world to us,” he said.

Knowing their time was short, Richard suggested holding “a little party” in her honour. The family played her favourite music, shared stories and celebrated her life. In one tender gesture, he dipped a swab in wine so she could have a final taste of her favourite drink. “It sounds unusual, but it felt right for Margaret,” he said. “We wanted those final days to be filled with love and laughter, not just the fact she was dying.”

Richard with his wife Margaret. Picture: Richard Cyster

Richard’s background meant he was more prepared than most for the practical realities of death. After retiring, he trained as a grief counsellor at a local hospice and spent ten years supporting bereaved families. He also created a U3A course called Going Gently, helping people plan for end-of-life decisions, wills and funerals.

Remarkably, just hours after Margaret died, he still delivered one of his scheduled sessions — on funeral planning. “I was running entirely on adrenaline,” he said. “I thought I understood grief because I had supported so many bereaved people. But understanding grief intellectually and experiencing it yourself are two completely different things.”

Years earlier, he and Margaret had discussed her wishes in detail and prepared powers of attorney and advance decisions. When the ambulance arrived, Richard immediately retrieved a hospital bag they kept under the stairs containing everything doctors might need. “That preparation gives me comfort,” he said. “I know the decisions made reflected Margaret’s wishes, not assumptions made by others.”

Four months on, Richard describes widowhood as “a completed jigsaw thrown into the air, with one piece missing right in the middle”. He says The Widowed Collective has been a lifeline. “They understand there is no timetable for grief and that widowhood changes your life forever.”

He hopes sharing his story will encourage others to talk openly about death and wishes while they still can. “None of us like talking about it, but those conversations can make an incredibly difficult time just a little easier for the people we leave behind.”

Natalie Bolton, co-founder of The Widowed Collective, said Richard’s experience reflects what many widowed people feel. “No matter how much experience someone has of grief, nothing truly prepares you for losing your life partner. Through #WidowedAndForgotten, we want to challenge misconceptions about widowhood and remind people that support and connection remain vital long after the immediate aftermath.”

The Widowed Collective provides free peer-to-peer support, practical guidance and community events for people who have lost a life partner. More information about the campaign and how to join can be found at www.TheWidowedCollective.com.